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10 November 2019, 17:12

Psychology of Dominance: How to Build Trust with A Partner

It has been said quite a bit that BDSM is primarily about trust and psychology, and only then about kinks and other pleasures. However, few people actually understand the degree of importance of trust between the Dominant and its submissive. But in fact, the bottom one trusts the Dominant his safety, integrity and security.

Conversations and Preparations

No matter how strange it may sound, trust begins with a conversation. The ability to reveal oneself in a simple small talk is almost a talent, but even to show how open you can be to each other is already a sufficient step towards each other.

As a rule, preparation is necessary for S/M practices, where a device, a scenario is selected, and even an entourage is created. However, dominance may also require preparation. Preliminarily discuss your preferred practices and activities. Be sure to outline the borders and Taboo. Sound out a series of prohibitions that cannot be violated, and boundaries that can be expanded under some conditions.

Practices and Traffic Light Rule

Domination can mean not only humiliation and total slavery of the partner. During the session, you must be very sensitive to each other, in order to understand whether you are ready to continue or it is time to stop. Of course, the responsibility lies with the Dominant, therefore it is from him that empathic perception and attentiveness to the state of the partner are required. When the couple is just starting to interact, it’s quite difficult to tune in, so it’s recommended to use the traffic light rule.

The principle is very simple. When you try something new and don’t know how your partner feels, ask him to inform you about his condition with the help of simple signals: green, yellow, red. Green will mean that everything is okay and you can safely continue; yellow, that you need to be more careful, and even better to pass back; red – stop immediately. This is close to the stop word, but has more shades of what is happening and allows you to more sensitively understand the boundaries of perception partner. For example, he can say “close to yellow, but we can continue” or “turns yellow”. And this will allow you to navigate and make the right decision at a particular moment.

Remember one more rule: “leap of faith” does not work in BDSM. Even if you are sure that your partner will follow you and overcome his bans, do not push. The gradual exploration of each other’s new horizons and abilities is much safer for both partners than a sharp demolition of the built walls.

What really works? Mutual trust. If you want him to trust you, trust your partner. Be actually inwardly convinced that if something goes wrong, your submissive will tell you that. Trust the partner and then he will trust you.