BDSM as Sublimation Agent

Most often, everything is exactly the opposite – the craving for BDSM is sublimated into something else, more digestible and acceptable by society: work, creativity, sports. But it also happens, and it is not such rare cases, that BDSM is already a sublimation of other desires and acts as a surrogate, or simply a substitute for that emotion or action that cannot be done.

Turning to The Origins

The neophytes come to the Theme with stereotype: “BDSM is always about sex”. Is it so? Most seasoned thematics just smile slyly in response to such a statement, or will advise to attend a public performance.

Freud, who explained everything from the position of sexual desire, argued that BDSM practices are nothing more than a way to show aggressive, low-lying animal nature of the human being. With grief in half, it can be "pulled" on the S/M relationship, where the basis is the infliction of pain and the pleasure of getting it. But what about the B/D and D/S?

Another attempt to explain the sublimation of their desires in BDSM was undertaken by John Bowlby, who explained that in this way the desire to dissolve in another partner to complete nothing is realized. He drew a parallel with sexual fusion, when the two become one, arguing that BDSM relationships are a surrogate for a sexual relationship with a partner.

It's All About Trust

Any BDSM practitioner will say that any thematic relationships, regardless of the chosen roles or preferences, are built on trust. Mutual trust of the Top and Bottom, Sadist and Masochist. The thing that is called “bottom-up control” is nothing but a desire to dictate, to show a partner the desire at a particular point in time.

So maybe this problem is sublimated in BDSM? Not the ability to trust 100%? Or the desire to have a total control over a person? Modern psychologists are trying to choose more careful formulations, take into account the individual characteristics of each case, and generally avoid dangerous topics. Therefore, it is often possible to find the opinion that in BDSM there are no healthy relationships, sooner or later they lead to the final psychological breakdown of one of the partners.

Be Mine for The Session, Be Mine Always

But back to the beginning of the article: what emotions or actions can replace BDSM practices? Since everyone has their own preferences (for someone flogging is enough, and someone likes it hotter and appreciate for fire and wax plays), it is quite difficult to make an unequivocal conclusion. All the same ubiquitous psychologists say that everything can start with the desire to hurt your real partner (wife, husband, boss), and a submissive or masochist only replaces this figure in fantasy. By applying f***e to the partner during the BDSM session, the Top thus realizes his desires and gives way to forbidden desires.

However, practitioners of the Theme recommend to understand themselves at once, and then come to the BDSM, because this is not the place to solve psychological problems. Thematic relationships are not about sex and the treatment of injuries; it is about getting mutual pleasure and enjoyment of all facets of your personality.