By Etiquette Or By the Will of The Master?

The order of the Top has the highest priority for the submissive. This common truth is known even to neophytes in the Theme. However, what about BDSM etiquette? What should the Bottom partner do if the order runs counter to the generally accepted rules of the BDSM community? Will breach of etiquette be a cause for punishment? Is this a test?

By Order Only

The opinions of the thematicks on this subject were divided. Some argue that etiquette is not as important and a priority as a direct order from the Top. That is, relations in a pair are determined only by those who make decisions in this pair. And yet, what to do when it comes to public sessions, walks or parties?

The answer is still the same: the Bottom one does only what the Top one tells him, unless otherwise agreed in advance. For example, in established pairs, the Bottom one already knows its place, feels the mood of its partner, and can predict orders. Also, the Top can give a certain freedom of behavior in public, but this is very rare and more often applies exclusively to session pairs or those who practice light BDSM.

Etiquette Is Invented for Reason

Another opinion is that compliance with etiquette is just as important as following orders. That is why any order of the Top should not contradict the etiquette rules. Someone will say: "It's too boring." But the main highlight is that everything is focused on rigor: from behavior to clothing and makeup.

If you meet such a pair, do not rush to hang the label “snobs” on them, the f***e of interaction between them and the nerves stretched by ropes serve as t*****e instruments like a rack or a strict collar.

Punishment No Reward

SAM is condemned in the BDSM community, as this leads to the destruction of partnerships and, in particularly difficult cases, the identities of both partners. The same attitude applies to couples, where, intentionally, an order is given that clearly v******s the rules of etiquette. The main goal of this is to tickle the nerves of the Bottom partner, make him doubt, fear and experience a whole gamut of feelings that can lead to a faint. Psi-sadism and some D/S, B/D practices suggest such a result, but the ways to achieve it can be chosen softer.

Also, such orders can serve as a test for the Bottom partner. For example, according to the rules of etiquette during walks, the Bottom should go to the left of the Top and strictly one step behind. If the Top orders the submissive to go side by side or move to the other side without apparent need – bypass the obstacle, free the hand, if it has a leash, etc. – the bottom has two options: obey orders or follow etiquette. Depending on the purpose of the test – whether the lesson is learned or whether the rule is learned – punishment or reward will be chosen.


So how, after all, should a submissive act? By etiquette or by order of the Top? As installed in their pair. If this has not been stipulated before – here's a great reason to discuss it.