Quick Guide: Choose Safe Words

A beginner at his first BDSM session is usually nervous and worried. The same feeling can appear during changing partners, when traveling beyond the limits has just begun. At this stage all details of the future action should be discussed in order to protect oneself from damage and discomfort.

What Is A “Safe Word” And Why Is It Needed?

In addition to the taboos and preferences before the session, it is important to determine the safe word, the signal by which the partner will understand that the session is completed or an adjustment is required. It is also called the “code word” or “security word”.

In an established pair, it can be the same word or each time a new one, if it is an additional element of the game. The need for such a signal is explained quite simply: in BDSM practices, the usual “no” is not enough, which can break out instinctively in response to the pain caused by a partner. Often, the Bottom does not control the flow of words and sounds that can express his feelings and emotions. Therefore, the security word makes it clear to the partner that something is going wrong.

The code word can also be used during rough sex or role-playing games, when the refusal can be perceived as an element of fun.

How to Choose A Stop Word for A BDSM Game?

It would seem that there is nothing simpler: any word that is not related to sex can become a code word. However, there are a number of recommendations that will be useful for beginners.

  • Brief and clear. It should be clear, short, preferably a monosyllabic or disyllabic word, which can be pronounced in any state.
  • Easy to say. The security word must be easily pronounced, so “synchrophasotron” or “annihilation” will not work.
  • Easy to remember. The simplest, but rarely used in speech word can fade against the background of emotions experienced during a session.
  • Convenient for both. This rule is true both for a new partner and for an established couple. If the word is unacceptable at least by one of the partners, it is worth giving it up.

In addition, you can use the general rules and words that are common in the environment of thematiks. For example, the rule of the traffic light: red light – stop, yellow – be ready to stop, green – go further. This is easily superimposed on BDSM games, where "green" will mean that the partner is ready to continue (for example, if you try a new practice), "yellow" – the attention of the partner is necessary (to change the position), red – full stop of the session.

The code word can really be used for different actions, as shown in the example above, but what to do when the mouth is busy and there is no possibility to speak? If you use a gag, another sign is specified: you can put a heavy object in the hands of a partner, the fall of which will be a signal for the Top.

Never neglect the comfort and safety of your own and your partner.